GOP, Here’s How to Derail the Trump Crazy Train

[Editor’s note: Once again, the following post comes to SanAntoniomizer from Felix Culpa. The person is real, but the name is fake, obviously. It’s the blogger equivalent of a stripper’s stage name. Felix is an executive at a San Antonio company we’d all recognize.]

 

If you’re a sensible, clear-thinking Republican, the events of late July-early August should have made it clear to you that Donald Trump’s candidacy is doing more harm than good to the health of your party.

Pick any of the following: Trump called on Russia to hack Hillary Clinton’s emails, continued to trade barbs with Ted Cruz mere hours after preaching party unity, wondered aloud why we aren’t eager to use nuclear weapons, and doubled down on his pissing contest with the parents of a dead Army captain. All while squandering chances to nail Hillary on the lackluster economy.crazy train

Any of those should have convinced you that Trump is tipping over the port-a-john while you’re still inside, and the stench will only get worse if he somehow manages to win in November.

Because, ironically, a Trump victory isn’t the best-case scenario for you, given that he’s not exactly a standard-bearer for your ideals and that the voters he attracts won’t support your down-ballot congressional or gubernatorial races.

No, the best-case scenario for Republicans is a Trump loss, while still holding on to both houses of Congress and a majority of the governorships. That way, you get to flush the crazy from your system while still limiting the damage from a Hillary Clinton administration, and it gives you four years to come up with some Debbie Wasserman-Schultzish skullduggery to quash the demagogues emerging from the Tea Party you’ve been brewing up the past decade.

But how to finesse an outcome to keep Trump’s short, vulgar fingers off the nuclear codes while still turning out the Republican faithful for the other races?

You have to find someone from the party’s brainpower to run as an independent against Trump.

If the race remains a Trump-Clinton dichotomy, you run the risk of smart Republicans staying home on Election Day. But if you give voters a third choice, it would quash the Trump demagoguery while boosting turnout for down-ballot races.

It would have to be done strategically. You’d want someone who can siphon off at least one key state from Trump’s Electoral College tally. Florida, Ohio, or Pennsylvania should do it. It would be great if you could knock Texas off the list, but to do that you’d need Ted Cruz to jump back in, and he isn’t about to do that.

You’re sacrificing a lamb here. He/she has to be someone with big enough name recognition and respect to attract people, but also someone who has no ambition to ever run again, and doesn’t mind being a pariah to the nutjobs who infect your party’s base.

Because, let’s face it, if you aren’t having a crisis of conscience now, you must not have a conscience. You certainly have a crisis.

So who? It’s too bad Arlen Specter is four years dead, because he’d be just about perfect. John Kasich could tip Ohio for you, but he probably wants to run again. Jeb Bush could deliver Florida, but would he do it? Maybe Mitt Romney? John McCain?

It’s really for you to decide, not me. Maybe you could cut a back-room deal with Hillary – you know, we’ll botch Trump for you, you put someone acceptable on the Supreme Court, that kind of thing.

Just do it quick. Your lamb has to be in the race by Labor Day to get on the ballots and have a chance of derailing the Trump crazy train.

If you’re a sensible, clear-thinking Republican, the events of late July-early August should have made it clear to you that Donald Trump’s candidacy is doing more harm than good to the health of your party.

Pick any of the following: Trump called on Russia to hack Hillary Clinton’s emails, continued to trade barbs with Ted Cruz mere hours after preaching party unity, wondered aloud why we aren’t eager to use nuclear weapons, and doubled down on his pissing contest with the parents of a dead Army captain. All while squandering chances to nail Hillary on the lackluster economy.

Any of those should have convinced you that Trump is tipping over the port-a-john while you’re still inside.

The stench will only get worse if he somehow manages to win in November.

Because, ironically, a Trump victory isn’t the best-case scenario for you, given that he’s not exactly a standard-bearer for your ideals and that the voters he attracts won’t support your down-ballot congressional or gubernatorial races.

No, the best-case scenario for Republicans is a Trump loss, while still holding on to both houses of Congress and a majority of the governorships. That way, you get to flush the crazy from your system while still limiting the damage from a Hillary Clinton administration, and it gives you four years to come up with some Debbie Wasserman-Schultzish skullduggery to quash the demagogues emerging from the Tea Party you’ve been brewing up the past decade.

But how to finesse an outcome to keep Trump’s short, vulgar fingers off the nuclear codes while still turning out the Republican faithful for the other races?

You have to find someone from the party’s brainpower to run as an independent against Trump.

If the race remains a Trump-Clinton dichotomy, you run the risk of smart Republicans staying home on Election Day. But if you give voters a third choice, it would quash the Trump demagoguery while boosting turnout for down-ballot races.

It would have to be done strategically. You’d want someone who can siphon off at least one key state from Trump’s Electoral College tally. Florida, Ohio or Pennsylvania should do it. It would be great if you could knock Texas off the list, but to do that you’d need Ted Cruz to jump back in, and he isn’t about to do that.

You’re sacrificing a lamb here. He/she has to be someone with big enough name recognition and respect to attract people, but also someone who has no ambition to ever run again, and doesn’t mind being a pariah to the nutjobs who infect your party’s base.

Because, let’s face it, if you aren’t having a crisis of conscience now, you must not have a conscience. You certainly have a crisis.

So who? It’s too bad Arlen Specter is four years dead, because he’d be just about perfect. John Kasich could tip Ohio for you, but he probably wants to run again. Jeb Bush could deliver Florida, but would he do it? Maybe Mitt Romney? John McCain?

It’s really for you to decide, not me. Maybe you could cut a back-room deal with Hillary – you know, we’ll botch Trump for you, you put someone acceptable on the Supreme Court, that kind of thing.

Just do it quick. Your lamb has to be in the race by Labor Day to get on the ballots and have a chance of derailing the Trump crazy train.

If you’re a sensible, clear-thinking Republican, the events of late July-early August should have made it clear to you that Donald Trump’s candidacy is doing more harm than good to the health of your party.

Pick any of the following: Trump called on Russia to hack Hillary Clinton’s emails, continued to trade barbs with Ted Cruz mere hours after preaching party unity, wondered aloud why we aren’t eager to use nuclear weapons, doubled down on his pissing contest with the parents of a dead Army captain. All while squandering chances to nail Hillary on the lackluster economy.

Any of those should have convinced you that Trump is tipping over the port-a-john while you’re still inside.

The stench will only get worse if he somehow manages to win in November.

Because, ironically, a Trump victory isn’t the best-case scenario for you, given that he’s not exactly a standard-bearer for your ideals. And there’s this — the voters he attracts won’t support your down-ballot candidates in congressional or gubernatorial races.

No, the best-case scenario for Republicans is a Trump loss, while still holding on to both houses of Congress and a majority of the governorships. That way, you get to flush the crazy from your system while still limiting the damage from a Hillary Clinton administration, and it gives you four years to come up with some Debbie Wasserman-Schultzish skullduggery to quash the demagogues emerging from the Tea Party you’ve been brewing up the past decade.

But how to finesse an outcome that keeps Trump’s short, vulgar fingers off the nuclear codes while still turning out the Republican faithful for the other races?

You have to find someone from the party’s brainpower to run as an independent against Trump.

If the race remains a Trump-Clinton dichotomy, you run the risk of smart Republicans staying home on Election Day. But if you give these voters a third choice, it would quash the Trump demagoguery while boosting turnout for down-ballot races.

It would have to be done strategically. You’d want someone who can siphon off at least one key state from Trump’s Electoral College tally. Florida, Ohio, or Pennsylvania should do it. It would be great if you could knock Texas off the list, but to do that you’d need Ted Cruz to jump back in, and he isn’t about to do that.

You’re sacrificing a lamb here. He/she has to be someone with big enough name recognition and respect to attract people, but also someone who has no ambition to ever run again, and who doesn’t mind being a pariah to the nutjobs who infect your party’s base.

Because, let’s face it, if you aren’t having a crisis of conscience now, you must not have a conscience. You certainly have a crisis.

So who? It’s too bad Arlen Specter is four years dead, because he’d be just about perfect. John Kasich could tip Ohio for you, but he probably wants to run again. Jeb Bush could deliver Florida, but would he do it? Maybe Mitt Romney? John McCain?

It’s really for you to decide, not me. Maybe you could cut a back-room deal with Hillary – you know, we’ll botch Trump for you, you put someone acceptable on the Supreme Court, that kind of thing.

Just do it quick. Your lamb has to be in the race by Labor Day to get on the ballots and have a chance of derailing the Trump crazy train.

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